Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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