just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
