So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
