ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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