also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
