"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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