I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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