remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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