so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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