Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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