The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
