He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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