You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
