he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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