We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
