Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
