what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
