ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
should my penis look like a turkey
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
