Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
