Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
