I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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