I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
