So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
