I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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