You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
