i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
