I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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