He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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