This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
