I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
