my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
