Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
