and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
