when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
