This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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