i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
