Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
