ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
