Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
