wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
