I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
