Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
