I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
