All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
