I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
