the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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