I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
