I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
