Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
