no, he came in my armpit
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
