Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
